open your mind.

'The Devine in me honors the Devine in you.'

A phrase I've heard many times in Yoga practice. It's such a remarkable phrase when said sincerely. Sometimes we forget that although God may mean something completely different to others, everyone believes in good. In my opinion, it doesn't really matter if you believe in God or a creator at all, feeling a connection with positive thoughts and experiences is something everyone seeks whether they want to admit it or not.

Today I practiced Yoga for the first time in a while. I went to a new studio which turned out to be much more advanced (high quality?) than I had expected. I sweat myself to death, and gave it my best shot. As I was putting on my shoes the teacher came over and said "What a beautiful energy you added to our practice today, thank you."

I don't even know her name...but what a positive impact she had on me. Sometimes the most simple efforts evolve into amazing results. Being genuine makes kind works meaningful.

Hopefully I give someone that joy someday.

Namaste, creeps.

:)

not in the mood for a title.

Commitment. How is it that society has burned into the minds of an entire generation that commitment is a terrifying word?

Divorce is a fad, possibly even trendy. I learned last week that people now have 'divorce parties' similar to bachelor and anniversary celebrations. We are so insecure that facing our failures is too difficult, we must turn them into a happy, joyous events. I must admit, commitment is one of the most difficult things I face in my life. I can internally be so driven and focused on something but when it comes to actually sharing that feeling/goal/emotion I freeze dead in my tracks.

If I promise something to myself and put myself in a vulnerable spot I have two options: success or failure. On the other hand...if I chose to promise myself there is nothing I want I cannot fail or succeed because there is nothing to be determined. I can't fail, but I can't win...so I can't fail.

What is the point of this rant? Good question.

I had (what my Mom would call) a 'breakthrough' a few weeks ago. In our training for my new job we went through what was called 'Diversity Training.' My first thought went a little like this, "UUUGHHGHGHAHSGADFSDAHFHASD. This is going to be awful." [I suggest reading that out loud, you'll know better how I felt] I was wrong. I put myself in one of the most vulnerable spaces I have ever been, with complete strangers nonetheless. I developed relationships, cried (sue me), and faced one of my biggest monsters in life, my insecurities.

At the end of the two days we were asked to write on a squared board our biggest challenge or obstacle preventing from be coming who we want to be. Everyone was asking 'why?' 'What are we doing with this" blah blah blah...I knew EXACTLY what we were doing with those boards and I wanted nothing more than to run for the door. I grabbed my marker and wrote in big block letters "INSECURITY." There, I said it. I'm and insecure person. We went into the other room and sat in a circle where two pillars were in the middle. Yes, I was right. We were going to break the board with our bare hands. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if I was the ONLY person to not break the board.

To save this from being the never ending story I went up in front of everyone, showed the word I had written and stated out loud that I was insecure. Somehow, I broke the thing. Let's just be honest for a minute...that board could have been broken by a three-year-old but it was still scary. Never had I felt more confident looking up at 35 people I had known just a few days and having so much support and encouragement.

Why am I telling this story now? I've lost sight of my commitment. I'm insecure and scared again. After a nice boring evening by myself and chats on the phone (my new hobby apparently) I realize how lucky I am. There is nothing to be afraid of, and I can recommit to not being afraid of sharing myself with others. I'll probably lose sight again, but I hope this board in my room can be a friendly reminder when I need it.

"You worry much about things you don't understand
But don't give up, if it doesn't go with the plan
Why not have some fun
While you're still young and still ok
Cause life is short
Do what you can today today"

-Asa
"Why Can't We"

Play the Game.

Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas.

Whaaat?

Not that I thought I was throwing myself into a comfortable situation. Don't ask my Mom about the week/days/minutes/seconds leading up to the beginning of my new life. I don't wanna talk about it.

My 'big boy' job. Who knew dreams coming true could be so terrifying? Maybe it's because failure seems so easy. You have someone/something to blame for your being unhappy and upset. Granted I'm not entirely sure if I would call this opportunity a 'dream come true' but it would be selfish of me to not acknowledge that I have been blessed.

Vegas. What a strange idea. Lately I've been obsessed with the idea of juxtaposition. Shoving two things right next to each other sometimes it's awkward, other times flawless. Vegas has such beauty and glamour thrashed in with ugly poverty. In the short time I've lived here it's been obvious poverty isn't simply being financially poor. You can be the most financially wealthy human being and still be horrendously hideous and poverty stricken. We all have beauty as well as ugly; however, some choose to focus on one more than the other.

Memories of my Dad come screaming into my mind every day I drive to work. My Dad and I adored this city. Maybe it's because he simply wanted to spend time with me, but I like to think he saw the same fantasy and escape I did. We both loved adventure, experience, and the unbeaten path. My first real 'business' meeting was in this city with him. We were a joke, ridiculous. I will always remember all the things I learned from that experience. Now that I can take the same determination with a stronger foundation beneath me I like to think he would be proud of me. I know he is proud.

A Vegas resident 10 days and counting. I've never felt so appreciated, supported, rejected, humiliated, terrified, confident, optimistic, floored, excited, devastated, loved, judged, motivated, insecure, and accepted in my life. I've met so many great people that have no idea what they have taught me not to mention I don't deserve the great group I get to call my family.

Who knows what the next nine months have in store. I can't wait to find out.

Cheers.

I've got a love that comes in colors.

Got a voice that comes in screaming.

I love driving during the summer. Few things are as exciting as the windows down and the perfect song blasting your speakers out.

Boring post? You must be a boring person.

Futile Devices.

New obsession. Songs that I used to hate because they were boring/weird/annoying/not exciting/didn't make the best first impression etc.etc.etc.

Why is this my new obsession? I can't explain it. Can you describe your infatuations? your agonies? OK. You thought you just diagnosed me being incapable of expressing myself. Good one. Try describing something in a way another person can experience the sensation exactly as you do.

That's what is so perfect about true art. It's unexplainable. You don't see/hear something, you experience it. Sure, we can take certain forms of art and see them as great - rip it to shreds and put it back together in a manner others agree with - but it might not be possible for two people to genuinely see 'eye to eye' on creations that allow moments of true emotion to be profited.

This is one of those gems. Can't explain why I love it, but if you give it a chance...you might just fall in love like I did.



"And I would say I love you
But saying it out loud is hard

So I won't say it at all
And I won't stay very long

But you are life I needed all along...
...And words are futile devices "

A Tolerable Space

If your mind is centered around Hell, you will never find Heaven. When you center your thoughts around Heaven, even Hell seems a tolerable space.

The Show Must Go On.

Watching the movie "Water for Elephants" I really found myself at a crossroads. Did I like the movie? Did I hate it? Which road was I going to take? I often find myself at this point generally 30-45 minutes into a film. You can only imagine how annoying it is to watch an entire film and the last 5 minutes completely change my decision.

This idea immediately made my mind up for me:

"Life is a show. You simply must play your part because everything is an illusion anyway."

Society is fake, an illusion. We do what we're told. Be who we're told. Act how we're told. For what? Who knows. Possibly to not be noticed. Are we all that afraid of ourselves that we just play our part? It's not that the idea angers me, it frightens.

Looking back at the past 5 or 6 years of my life, it could be completely different had I made other decisions, done what I was told. At church they always use the 'railroad' reference saying how 'off path' you get from a few simple, alleged, wrong decisions. Are those decisions really wrong? Can we ever end up in the wrong place? Or is it simply how we react to life. Even still...is that reaction just part of our illusion, what/who we want others to think we are?

This made me flash back to days when I was involved in theater. During rehearsal when you are 'off book' and forget a line you call out "LINE" and someone reads the first few words to get you back on track. That's nice and all, but during a performance you can't just scream out "LINE" and have someone rushing to the rescue. You must make it work, get from A to B without throwing the show off course. Maybe life is a show. We never got rehearsals so others than have been through the 'scenes' tell us what our lines should be. The only problem is...the scenes can never be the same for two people.

I'm not sure why I found this so intriguing, but I did. Is life really just a show? A game? We go through life with all these different influences telling us what to do, who to be, what to like, even love. Parts are written, costumes designed, all we have to do is jump on the stage and give our best performance. Excited for opening night?

You decide.