Work. Dream. Jive.

open your mind.

2011-09-07T23:25:00.001-07:00

'The Devine in me honors the Devine in you.'

A phrase I've heard many times in Yoga practice. It's such a remarkable phrase when said sincerely. Sometimes we forget that although God may mean something completely different to others, everyone believes in good. In my opinion, it doesn't really matter if you believe in God or a creator at all, feeling a connection with positive thoughts and experiences is something everyone seeks whether they want to admit it or not.

Today I practiced Yoga for the first time in a while. I went to a new studio which turned out to be much more advanced (high quality?) than I had expected. I sweat myself to death, and gave it my best shot. As I was putting on my shoes the teacher came over and said "What a beautiful energy you added to our practice today, thank you."

I don't even know her name...but what a positive impact she had on me. Sometimes the most simple efforts evolve into amazing results. Being genuine makes kind works meaningful.

Hopefully I give someone that joy someday.

Namaste, creeps.

:)

not in the mood for a title.

2011-09-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

Commitment. How is it that society has burned into the minds of an entire generation that commitment is a terrifying word?

Divorce is a fad, possibly even trendy. I learned last week that people now have 'divorce parties' similar to bachelor and anniversary celebrations. We are so insecure that facing our failures is too difficult, we must turn them into a happy, joyous events. I must admit, commitment is one of the most difficult things I face in my life. I can internally be so driven and focused on something but when it comes to actually sharing that feeling/goal/emotion I freeze dead in my tracks.

If I promise something to myself and put myself in a vulnerable spot I have two options: success or failure. On the other hand...if I chose to promise myself there is nothing I want I cannot fail or succeed because there is nothing to be determined. I can't fail, but I can't win...so I can't fail.

What is the point of this rant? Good question.

I had (what my Mom would call) a 'breakthrough' a few weeks ago. In our training for my new job we went through what was called 'Diversity Training.' My first thought went a little like this, "UUUGHHGHGHAHSGADFSDAHFHASD. This is going to be awful." [I suggest reading that out loud, you'll know better how I felt] I was wrong. I put myself in one of the most vulnerable spaces I have ever been, with complete strangers nonetheless. I developed relationships, cried (sue me), and faced one of my biggest monsters in life, my insecurities.

At the end of the two days we were asked to write on a squared board our biggest challenge or obstacle preventing from be coming who we want to be. Everyone was asking 'why?' 'What are we doing with this" blah blah blah...I knew EXACTLY what we were doing with those boards and I wanted nothing more than to run for the door. I grabbed my marker and wrote in big block letters "INSECURITY." There, I said it. I'm and insecure person. We went into the other room and sat in a circle where two pillars were in the middle. Yes, I was right. We were going to break the board with our bare hands. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if I was the ONLY person to not break the board.

To save this from being the never ending story I went up in front of everyone, showed the word I had written and stated out loud that I was insecure. Somehow, I broke the thing. Let's just be honest for a minute...that board could have been broken by a three-year-old but it was still scary. Never had I felt more confident looking up at 35 people I had known just a few days and having so much support and encouragement.

Why am I telling this story now? I've lost sight of my commitment. I'm insecure and scared again. After a nice boring evening by myself and chats on the phone (my new hobby apparently) I realize how lucky I am. There is nothing to be afraid of, and I can recommit to not being afraid of sharing myself with others. I'll probably lose sight again, but I hope this board in my room can be a friendly reminder when I need it.

"You worry much about things you don't understand
But don't give up, if it doesn't go with the plan
Why not have some fun
While you're still young and still ok
Cause life is short
Do what you can today today"

-Asa
"Why Can't We"

Play the Game.

2011-08-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas.

Whaaat?

Not that I thought I was throwing myself into a comfortable situation. Don't ask my Mom about the week/days/minutes/seconds leading up to the beginning of my new life. I don't wanna talk about it.

My 'big boy' job. Who knew dreams coming true could be so terrifying? Maybe it's because failure seems so easy. You have someone/something to blame for your being unhappy and upset. Granted I'm not entirely sure if I would call this opportunity a 'dream come true' but it would be selfish of me to not acknowledge that I have been blessed.

Vegas. What a strange idea. Lately I've been obsessed with the idea of juxtaposition. Shoving two things right next to each other sometimes it's awkward, other times flawless. Vegas has such beauty and glamour thrashed in with ugly poverty. In the short time I've lived here it's been obvious poverty isn't simply being financially poor. You can be the most financially wealthy human being and still be horrendously hideous and poverty stricken. We all have beauty as well as ugly; however, some choose to focus on one more than the other.

Memories of my Dad come screaming into my mind every day I drive to work. My Dad and I adored this city. Maybe it's because he simply wanted to spend time with me, but I like to think he saw the same fantasy and escape I did. We both loved adventure, experience, and the unbeaten path. My first real 'business' meeting was in this city with him. We were a joke, ridiculous. I will always remember all the things I learned from that experience. Now that I can take the same determination with a stronger foundation beneath me I like to think he would be proud of me. I know he is proud.

A Vegas resident 10 days and counting. I've never felt so appreciated, supported, rejected, humiliated, terrified, confident, optimistic, floored, excited, devastated, loved, judged, motivated, insecure, and accepted in my life. I've met so many great people that have no idea what they have taught me not to mention I don't deserve the great group I get to call my family.

Who knows what the next nine months have in store. I can't wait to find out.

Cheers.

I've got a love that comes in colors.

2011-06-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

Got a voice that comes in screaming.

I love driving during the summer. Few things are as exciting as the windows down and the perfect song blasting your speakers out.

Boring post? You must be a boring person.

Futile Devices.

2011-05-29T20:05:00.000-07:00

New obsession. Songs that I used to hate because they were boring/weird/annoying/not exciting/didn't make the best first impression etc.etc.etc.

Why is this my new obsession? I can't explain it. Can you describe your infatuations? your agonies? OK. You thought you just diagnosed me being incapable of expressing myself. Good one. Try describing something in a way another person can experience the sensation exactly as you do.

That's what is so perfect about true art. It's unexplainable. You don't see/hear something, you experience it. Sure, we can take certain forms of art and see them as great - rip it to shreds and put it back together in a manner others agree with - but it might not be possible for two people to genuinely see 'eye to eye' on creations that allow moments of true emotion to be profited.

This is one of those gems. Can't explain why I love it, but if you give it a chance...you might just fall in love like I did.

"And I would say I love you
But saying it out loud is hard

So I won't say it at all
And I won't stay very long

But you are life I needed all along...
...And words are futile devices "

A Tolerable Space

2011-05-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

If your mind is centered around Hell, you will never find Heaven. When you center your thoughts around Heaven, even Hell seems a tolerable space.

The Show Must Go On.

2011-05-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

Watching the movie "Water for Elephants" I really found myself at a crossroads. Did I like the movie? Did I hate it? Which road was I going to take? I often find myself at this point generally 30-45 minutes into a film. You can only imagine how annoying it is to watch an entire film and the last 5 minutes completely change my decision.

This idea immediately made my mind up for me:

"Life is a show. You simply must play your part because everything is an illusion anyway."

Society is fake, an illusion. We do what we're told. Be who we're told. Act how we're told. For what? Who knows. Possibly to not be noticed. Are we all that afraid of ourselves that we just play our part? It's not that the idea angers me, it frightens.

Looking back at the past 5 or 6 years of my life, it could be completely different had I made other decisions, done what I was told. At church they always use the 'railroad' reference saying how 'off path' you get from a few simple, alleged, wrong decisions. Are those decisions really wrong? Can we ever end up in the wrong place? Or is it simply how we react to life. Even still...is that reaction just part of our illusion, what/who we want others to think we are?

This made me flash back to days when I was involved in theater. During rehearsal when you are 'off book' and forget a line you call out "LINE" and someone reads the first few words to get you back on track. That's nice and all, but during a performance you can't just scream out "LINE" and have someone rushing to the rescue. You must make it work, get from A to B without throwing the show off course. Maybe life is a show. We never got rehearsals so others than have been through the 'scenes' tell us what our lines should be. The only problem is...the scenes can never be the same for two people.

I'm not sure why I found this so intriguing, but I did. Is life really just a show? A game? We go through life with all these different influences telling us what to do, who to be, what to like, even love. Parts are written, costumes designed, all we have to do is jump on the stage and give our best performance. Excited for opening night?

You decide.

Faster

2011-03-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

unfold. Find yourself, lose yourself.
become bold. retreat. become bolder again.
it’s all there. the arch of your story laid out.
that’s ballsy.

-Matt Nathanson

Just Breathe

2011-03-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, I understand that every life must end,
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go,
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none,

Stay with me,
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
never gonna let me win,
Under everything, just another human being,
Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,
You're all I see.

Just Breathe, Pearl Jam

Why the cowboy picture? Longer story than you'd think. Short version is the film 'Buck.' Haven't seen it? Find a way. Don't like horses? Neither did I. Someday I'll get around to posting a few ways Buck's story influenced my life for the better. For today, the connection to Buck is the song that plays during the ending credits, Just Breathe by Pearl Jam.

Recently I noticed what a gift it is to simply breathe. After going to yoga for years I've heard the instructor over and over encouraging 'keep your breath' 'remember your breath' 'appreciate your breath.' all it began to sound like is "blah blah blah"...right? Wrong. After a night class that was equally exhausting and rewarding I opened my eyes during our meditative portion of class (I'm a cheater, sue me). I looked up to see my teacher cradling her pregnant belly with both arms and head bowed. Yeah, doesn't sound like anything too life changing but it made an impression on me. Instead of going through the motions of Yoga, finishing class, and getting on with her life - something I have done far too many times - she wanted to connect with something more important than anything else to her at that moment. Someone she's never met. She took the time to just breathe.

Why didn't I appreciate something so simple? Why don't I find gratitude in the easiest ways? It seems many get caught up in 'searching for blessings' or things to be thankful for. Prayer isn't a time where you fold your arms, nod your head down, and vocalize the things you're supposed to say. It's a chance to connect with something greater. I found a definition that called prayer "volitional rapport to a god or spirit through deliberate practice." I've made it a point to deliberately practice gratitude concerning things I take for granted (many, many things) then I can begin to expand. First on that list - Breath.

Take a minute. Hit the lights. Breathe. You might find something in yourself you've never realized. I did.

a toast.

2011-02-22T22:33:00.001-08:00

to nearest
to dearest
to the crew
to cahoots
to the ones who've been there
to the ones who'll be there
to dropping everything
to saving anything
to no judgements
to no doubts
to loyalty
to trust
to favors
to lifelongs
to been too long
to nothing's changed
to having history
to having your back
to moving away
to never too far
to growing up
to settling down
to living young
to your second family
to friends
to yourself.

Can't take credit for (all of) this. Saw it in a magazine months ago, took a picture with my phone, and added what I wanted.

I love the idea of having 'a toast.' Not an obnoxious clink your glasses all over the place just to think you're swanky, but the true and sincere expression of honor and goodwill. Society has somehow let the charm of being personal and genuine slip through the cracks. What a shame. So, 'hear hear' to all those that maintain the practice of being personal. Let those that matter to you know.

Cheers.

Absolute Clarity

2011-02-16T14:23:00.000-08:00

"Few times in my life...absolute clarity. Silence drowns out noise and I can feel. Everything is suddenly fresh"

I try to find moments like these in my life. They have the ability to pull you back into the present, reality. Clarity, no matter how difficult to obtain, helps a person realize everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be.

The film "A Single Man" is unique to say the least. Obviously written, directed, produced...etc. by a fashion designer; every shot is so well put together it's difficult to find a moment that isn't beautiful. I'm not even sure if I would recommend the film because of dark subject, weird story, not for your typical 'movie' enjoyment; however, it did have something to offer.

In one moment, a perfect sunset is shown from the parking lot of the liquor store (juxtaposition?). A random 'Rico Suave' struggling foreign actor mentions that sometimes the most awful situations provide the most beautiful moments. This moment made me flash back to the day my family laid our father to rest. There was a picture taken of us in the cemetery; the first honest picture we have taken as a family in years (possibly the first of our adult lives). Each of us may be able to argue 'my hair looks stupid' or 'I don't like my smile' but none of that mattered. It was understandably one of the most horribly grueling and overwhelming days of our lives, yet the picture provides absolute clarity of how we all felt. We love each other; we were together; that's all that mattered. Thanks Mom, for being the obsessive picture taker at the most annoying possible times. All your work paid off. Our first family picture that wasn't forced, awkward, or overthought. It was honest.

"It's not often that we are able to connect with a real person. I cherish those moments."

-George, "A Single Man"

Perfect Sense.

2011-02-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

Perfect Sense. A term that may be interpreted in many different ways, given the context.

A movie I wasn't terribly excited about seeing at Sundance this year ended up being one of my most influential experiences the 10 days had to offer. It was raw, dirty, quiet, fragile, and had all the honesty one could ask from an artist (possibly too much, Mom). Sure, it's not a film most would come away with much; however, I found so much perspective and simplicity in a story that was as abstract as they come. Am I psychotic? Probably. At least I can find ways to enjoy it every now and then.

Expect the worst and hope for the best. Discover what you value and chase after it; really find what you cherish in your life. In this process of discovery don't be afraid to fight, forgive; love, hate; feel, numb; chase, withdraw; fail, succeed.

Life is much more than flour and fat. Although they allow you to survive, it is more insightful to live adventurously than be dull.

"I can say it but you won't believe me
You say you do, but you don't decieve me
Dead hearts are everywhere..."

Dead Hearts - Stars

I stole my personality from an annonymous source

2011-01-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

And I'm gonna pay for it too, I don't feel bad about that

Sitting at UVU wasting time as usual. With the iPod on shuffle 'Song Away' by Hockey came on. Never really felt that impressed by it before but with it being the 'New Year' when everyone is starting over and making goals that will last for 2 weeks I noticed I am, myself, forging into unknown territory. I'm graduating, maybe.

I've always been scared of new beginnings/adventures. (who isn't) Maybe that's why every time I am about to do something exciting and fun I have a psycho phase for a few hours and manage to make everyone I am going with wish they never knew me. I guess how I get through those unexplainable feelings is knowing that 'tomorrow's just a song away...'

"Make me a deal and make it good for me
I wont get full of myself, coz i cant afford to be
This is small town music, this is big town music
He's ahead of his time you know but, he cant use it
If only he could prove it

Tomorrows just a song away, a song away, a song away
Tomorrows just a song away, a song away, a song away
Its just a song away

Hey

See what your man has done to the world
see what the world has done to your man
You know im leaving you, you dont need me
Lovin you wasnt always so easy

This is believe me music, this is forget me music
This is who can love me you know, this aint no roxy music
This is new form music, this is old form music
This is i paid attention not some makes his prediction music
Oh he could let me use it

Tomorrows just a song away, a song away, a song away
Tomorrows just a song away, a song away, a song away
Its just a song away"

A Spotless Mind

2010-11-17T19:36:00.000-08:00

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;"

"Eloisa to Abelard"
-Aleander Pope

I don't like talking about literature (usually because I come away with something completely different than others). I guess it makes me feel inferior that I focus on random vignettes and ideas instead of looking for the literal.

Having that said. Here it goes...

First fell in love with this in one of my favorite movies, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." It always reminded me of my Dad. Maybe it's mostly because of the images they show while it's being read during the film; regardless, I think the feeling it gives reminds me of the greatest things my Dad taught me.

I love the idea of being carefree. Of not having a fear in the world. (Mom, this is not another time to bring up your 'marvelous' book on tape you've been trying to push on me for the past 7 years.)

It's a gift to find joy. All of us have been given that gift; however, some have been blessed with an amazing talent of finding the positive in anything.

My Dad was one of those people. He wanted to have a spotless mind. If he could take away all the pain in the world he would have done it without thinking twice.

Even though I sound like a creep saying it, I am greatful for pain. Struggle is the greatest opportunity for growth. Never have I felt more liberated than looking back at a time when I fell flat on my face and stood back up and kept going. I hope someday to have balance. Find joy in it's fullest, and take advantage of all the headway each painful experience has to offer.

Couldn't be more lucky than to have my Dad keeping my head in the clouds, and Mom holding my feet on the ground.

Miss you Dad. Love you Mom.

Everything will be fine

2010-05-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

Cedar Rapids, my (unfortunate) hometown for the next few months.

The city was flooded a few years ago and is now just starting to get back on its feet. A few blocks away from my apartment is where the majority of the damage was.

This is a picture of some (quite attractive I'm sure) man from Cedar Rapids. If any of you are wondering...yes, 90% of the people in Iowa do indeed look similar to this man. The reason I posted that man is because of the blue porch lights behind him. When I asked a local what the lights were for, I was told the symbolism of blue lights in a home is overcoming trials. Being able to fight through anything. Not letting something that may seem devastating overcome you with grief.

It is inspiring to drive home every night and see this row of 10 or 15 houses with their blue lights lit proudly in the dark. Amidst blocks of ruin, this group of neighbors decided to come together and pick up their lives right where the flood left them. I'll have to get a decent picture before I leave, it really is the only cool part of this town...but it's pretty interesting and I've never seen anything like it.

Details in the Fabric
-Jason Mraz

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
Go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way.

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine? (Go your own way)
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own)
Hell no reason go on and scream (Know your name)
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

"Leaving Town"

2010-04-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

"Oh your reputation is so golden
You're never lonely and you're never home
I know you've been talking about leaving
You've lost all your feelings for this town.
Paint your nails and put your lipstick
You don't want to miss your ticket out.
Just because you graduate from school
So high in the gene pool that's your point of view.

But when you're broke and down and no one else is around
You'll come running back to this town and
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there.

'Cause I remember how we drank time together
And how you used to say that the stars are forever.
And daydreamed about how to make your life better by
Leaving town, leaving town.

Pack your bags, your smokes in your pocket
You're wearing my locket around your neck
Take a drag and wait for the Greyhound
The world is your playground and you want to win.

But when you're broke and down and no one else is around.
You'll come running back to this town and
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there.

...

Nothing in life will ever come that easy.
Doesn't mean it has to be that hard.
I know you will find out who you are
But when you're broke and down and no one else is around.
You'll come running back to this town and
I'll be there, yeah I'll be there."

-Dexter Freebish

Ballin'?

2010-01-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

well...kinda?

So, I have 2 phones.

I was essentially forced into getting an iPhone yesterday. Of course I wanted one; however, I just didn't want to pay for it and love blaming other people for my problems (who doesn't).

My choices:

a. Get the phone now. company pays for it, gives me $125 credit on my bill and pays 12% of monthly. AAAAANNNNDDDD....I still will gouge my eyes out every time I see a phone bill for the next 4 months.

b. Get the phone later. I pay for it. Company pays for service during the summer, yet I am still in a stupid 2 years contract.

SO. After my flawed/preferred version of 'CBA' influenced by a little (a lot) of the joy I find in an elusive impulse buy I got an iPhone.

Now to the reason I have 2 phones:

I don't know. It was cheaper than canceling my contract? I have attachment issues? Maybe I really find some sort of joy in having what I honestly hope to be a pleasant conversation with an 800-number turn into a fight and I win EVERY time...I will give a seminar on it someday.

If you get a prank call from me (using the phone of my choice) feel loved. It is most likely bound to happen.

Now for something more worth your time...

The band 'Other Lives.'

You will thank me someday. I promise.

Regards,

Juan

'Moth's Wings'

2009-11-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

But you run away from me
And you left me shimmering
Like diamond wedding rings
Spinning dizzily down on the floor

-Passion Pit

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

- Alexander Graham Bell

No Longer Missing.

2009-11-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

Here is a sample of what I am thinking about. Right Now.

-Corp Finance.
-How much I hate the Math Department
-I love people that are unique.
-Wanna go on a vacation.
-10 more lbs...
-My blind Professor is one of the biggest inspirations in my life.
-Someday, I want to inspire people like he does.
-Cloud Cult - Amazing band I just discovered 3 minutes ago...in class. Check it.
-Feels so much better to not have grudges.
-UVU parking - I'll never get over that grudge.
-Washed my car today. Feels better than I remember.
-Greatful for me roomates
-Need to make an 'I'm greatful' list for my lovely mother.
-Wanna go to NYC for $89 each way, thanks Jennie...disctraction of my entire day.
-Need new friends, getting bored.
-Jake comes home to visit soon. I'll prob see him for the 30 min I can rip him away from that girlfriend he doesn't deserve ;)
-Need to get a girl to put up with me first, then find someone like my siblings have found.
-Saw a great play last night, Little Shop of Horrors. Prob best 'date' I have been on in a long time. Great food, entertainment, and company. Yes, it was with my mother. Creepy? eh, I'll get over the creep factor. Who else am I gonna hang out with that will bite a piece off a loratab in order to relieve a toothache? Love you momma.
-Speaking of loves. Ricky is such a freak. Love that dog.
-Most def gonna listen to the Cloud Cult cd in my car...on my laptop. Embarrasing, but it is common when I can't wait to put stuff on my iPod.
-Wanna paint a picture to put in my room. Prob will be hideous but it will be mine.
-Need to play the piano more
-Need to destroy my finals. Sick of just being 'ok' at school. Maybe time to start trying...
-I'll do somethign great this weekend. By myself, or with someone...I wanna be memorable.

Whelp. Maybe its time to pay attention to Finance. I just get more confused when I listen to the 'backgound stories' of why you use the equations the way you do. Just wanna know when and how to use them.

Whoever you are...go ahead, judge me. I realize I'm a freak. I think I like it.

'beeey'

2009-10-14T23:46:00.001-07:00

Friends and liars don't wait for me
'Cause I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you I feel

Empire of the Sun

2009-09-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

No 'song of the day' today. More like...band obsession of the week.

I liked the song 'Walking On a Dream' but became obsessed with the entire album.

If you want the album, I will send it to you e-mail style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmM2RwlxGt0

Don't judge. I realize they are psycho looking, they are Ozzies what did you expect? I never said they weren't weird, but I guess if you are into the 'indie' thing it is actually a fairly cool video. Not to mention I want to go to Asia. Bad. How bad? WAAAAAAAAAAAY Bad.

In need of a haircut

2009-09-02T11:45:00.001-07:00

You like that mullet? That sexy fellow will be gone in a day or two (friday). Well...he will at least have more self-respect. Picture courtesy of my classy webcam.

Don't really know how I feel about the fact that most computers have webcams in them now. Kinda cool for skype etc. Kinda ghetto for all those creeps that want to chat with people via webcam on awesome dating sites. Yes, I would LOVE to sit and watch you type, it is really mysterious and attractive. Please ensure you are making annoying flirty faces towards the lens, it adds to the experience. Not to mention the backdrop is typically an extremely exciting white wall.

Dear Mom,

Please never use a webcam unless you are discussing ba-yoons or the current 'entourage' of the day. Ok? ok.

Love, Jon.

229 Parks

2009-08-17T13:31:00.001-07:00

Driving out to Fairbanks I needed to eat. Weird, I know. I heard about a place in the middle of nowhere that allegedly had amazing food. Deanli has basically nothing as far as food goes, except for this place. Well, time to check it out.

229 Parks is a little cabin off the highway that serves local, fresh food. The Menu changes frequently and had all sorts of things. I wanted to try the rabbit, scallops, pork chops...basically...just wanted to have some of everything. As Always.

Well...

Got the tamales.

Tamales with mozzarella and fresh corn. Heirloom tomato salad with avacado and a papaya cilantro dressing. Yes, that is a flower on top of the salad. Most def ate it.

Wanna go back. Not worth the 4 hour drive...

LAAAAAAAME

2009-08-14T01:28:00.000-07:00

I have walked out of few movies in my life...

I can count them on my hand.

The most recent winner:

Jake please tell me you didn't see this at midnight...and not fall asleep.

too fake.

2009-08-07T23:56:00.001-07:00

Took a trip to Fairbanks.

Seriously. This is what it looks like...a bunch of teddy bears strapped onto a couch contently watching the cars drive by on the highway.

Yup. I'm most def the freak that decided to pull over, turn on the hazards, and get honked at by every passing vehicle so I could document the insanity rural alaska has to offer.

I guess my enthusiam for stuff like this is too fake, but I think its hilarious.

i'm just a penny.

2009-07-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

Yes mother. The answer is Yes.

Love the shimmy festival little ms. pink sash has to offer. If I was fat I'd do that on the daily. Gangsta needs to pick up some moves like that asap, cause he is fat.

Ben Kweller - "Penny on the Train Track"

i'm on a hike.

2009-07-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

This is one of three lakes we hiked to.

Tyler thought it would be hilarious to tell me it was 3 miles roundtrip, and then when we showed up correct himself by announcing it was actually 8 miles. awesome.

Actually ended up being a great hike. Haven't been hiking in years. Forgot how much I enjoyed it. Nature can sometimes seem so incomplete, but is broken in all the right places. Perfection. More pictures to come...someday. I bought a camera.

"I never felt like a part of the scene
but when I look at you and you look at me
I never want you to change a thing
I see you broken in all the right places"

'Broken in All the Right Places'
-I am Jen

For the freak.

2009-07-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

My lovely mother thinks I am depressed because of the songs I put up here. Get over it mom.

"Why can't the song of the day be a happy/' bunny' song?"

Yes. My Mother said this.

Here you go Mom. You won't like this, might actually dance hideously in the kitchen to it...but won't like it. At least it isn't something fit to cut yourself to.

Seventeen Years - Ratatat

2009-06-29T15:08:00.001-07:00

T.O. took this picture yestday while we were at the beach in Seward. Nice little 'cruise ship' town, filled with annoying fanny pack bearing tourists. If you go out of town a few minutes there are some nice beaches. Both times we have been there, these two random dogs are there both holding balls in their mouth wanting someone to throw it in the ocean.

Made me miss the goon, zeus, aka ricky. Even though my lovely mother for some reason cannot understand the fact that he is going to pee in the house if he is left there for 3o hours at a time he is a good dog. Old, senile, annoying, boring, and yes, old. He is a good dog.

It's been a while.

2009-06-22T02:27:00.000-07:00

My Regional Manager, aka 'Boss,' is in town. I guess I felt responsible for entertaining him so we decided to venture out to one of the glaciers Alaska has to offer. The pictures speak for themselves. It was awesome.

Pic up top there...Tyler, 'Flannel Sunday' Me, Dustin, Tyler aka T.O.

On the way back to my car, being the intelligent person I am decided that I didn't want to take the trail a million miles out of the way and made a straight shot for the car. Bad idea. Sunk ankle deep in mud. Wet feet. Muddy jeans. Unhappy Jon. Still makes for a good story though I guess.

All you that read this...I don't know why you do. Either way, I miss you. Happy Fathers Day Dad.

Song of the day:

'Everybody Always Leaves'
-Matthew Ryan

" So take care of yourself
And don’t worry about me... "

Another good movie...

2009-05-28T01:24:00.001-07:00

'The measure of a great life isn't how well loved you are, but how well you love others.'

-Rachel Getting Married

Just one of those nights...

2009-05-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

Driving just outside of downtown Anchorage at 12:30 a.m. last night. Yes, the pic is blurry...it was taken on a cell phone. Give me a break. Hopefully I'll get a camera soon.

Keane - Hamburg Song

I don't wanna be adored
Don't wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved

No, don't wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
I give much more
Than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
And warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way

To lay yourself down
And make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for

So I made it.

2009-05-10T02:41:00.000-07:00

Finally.

After the longest drive of my life, I finally arrived. The weather is great, the city is nice, and I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work with.

Tonight I am up at all hours of the night just thinking about many random things, one of which made me want to vent and give all of you a peek into what may just be my life.

Tomorrow I need to fire someone. Do I know this person? Not really. Do I like him? Not really. Would I like to have him out of my office? Frankly, yes. Here I am, wanting to rid someone from my responsibility and worry. The opportunity presented itself, now I have grounds to fire him.

I don't want to.

Thinking about it I realize that although this kid will never have anything in common with me, he has been rude, lazy, and is just the type of person I don't ever want to work with...I am devastated to break the news that his summer is no longer the easy street he expects it to be. I will be causing him not only to be out of a job, but finding himself and his girlfriend jobless driving across the country to start back at square one.

So many times, I have found myself thinking I have finally found something that works. Something that makes me happy, or that place I think I belong only to have it ripped out from under me in an instant. This is exactly what I am creating. That hurt. That uncertainty. Sorrow. Failure. Insufficiency. How could I do that to someone?

I hope he learns from this. The idea that I may be presenting a learning opportunity is the one thing that gives me hope. Please change. Please don't dwell on this. Please forgive me.

adventureland.

2009-04-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

Good, good movie. Didn't have any desire to see it because I thought it looked like another "Superbad," "Knocked Up," "Role Models," blah blah blah. I was pleasantly surprised. Would I tell my Mom to see it? Nope. She would go bumbling off on how it had too many 'F' words, included drug use, and had sex as a part of the story. That is part of the reason I liked this movie. It was honest. The characters were all misfits, trying to find something in their life that made them happy; consequently always looking for that missing piece in their life. Yes, it is rated 'R.' Go ahead, judge me. I liked this movie, it made me realise I am not the only person out there that feels out of place and alone sometimes. At times, all you need is a crappy job, some people as crazy as you, and lofty dreams to feel perfectly content at that moment.

So if you get hung up on petty 'inappropriate' content in a film, please don't see this. The rest of you, it might just be more worth your time than "Fast and the Furious." FYI, please don't tell me you liked this movie, that alone gives me right to judge you right back.

2009-04-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

I may, or may not look like this...

Because I am moving here in 3 weeks...

Companies I wish would go bankrupt. Now.

2009-04-10T10:44:00.001-07:00

State Farm.

State Farm.

State Farm.

State Farm...

No you don't need to call me once a day to have someone inform me it is ok to get my car fixed...it was fixed 2 months ago. Thanks for the info though!

No I don't think some crazy man calling me to ask where my car is (at school) so he can come 'look at it' is good service. First of all...stalker. Second, creep, just set up an appointment and I'll bring it to you. Third, what do you need to 'look' at?!

You are NOT a 'good neighbor.' You are those annoying people that try to act like you are friends with everyone, but in reality everyone hates you. You don't mow your lawn, have 19 ghetto blaster cars in your driveway, and all 13 of your kids are jumping through the sprinklers in nothing but their underwear. You are lowering the value of all our houses, and cars especially. Please move out of the neighborhood.

The legitimate car insurance company quest begins...

UVSC - 1 Jon - 1.5

2009-04-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

Yes.

I got a ticket. Well, it was a few weeks ago but I am still angry about it. Apparently I was on the 'UVU Parking's Most Wanted' and they finally got me. Have I paid my ticket? Nope. Do I plan to? Nope. (Yes Mom, I hope you read that correctly)

So are we tied? I don't in the least bit think so. The fact I have gone all semester without a parking pass which is $80 and have come away with 1 ticket. Amazing. So, I deserve at least half a point for that.

Parking people/freaks. It's on.

Jon - 1 UVSC - 0

2009-03-14T19:12:00.001-07:00

Dear UVSC parking:

You have got to be kidding me...

A parking pass is $50 a semester? Lies, it's free. Little do you know I have been parking in the meters right outside my classes for the ENTIRE semester and still have yet to donate one cent of my life to your pathetic organization. YES, this means that one day I sat in my car for 10 minutes having a standoff with a parking employee eying my car waiting for me to get out and not pay. Not gonna give in on that one. Very sorry, I won. Made it past mid-terms, still have yet to get a ticket...

Regards,

Jon.

2009-03-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's Saturday. Yes, I am this lame. Yes, I am sitting waiting for Katie to freaking finish getting ready so we can go to dinner 'at 7.' It's almost 8:15...

FYI, this is my official disclaimer. I don't write, spell, process thoughts, articulate, whatever you want to call it well. If you have a problem with it, this is a good time to stop reading.

music.

2009-03-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Who knows where my taste in music comes from. I find myself being continually bored with my current playlist. Too often I find myself picking 30 random songs, falling in love with them all over again, and dumping them off the face of the earth by the next day. A.D.D.? Yes. Selfish? Yes. Annoying? Yes. Will I ever stop doing it? Nope.

Of course here I am spending my only day off for the week searching through iTunes looking for songs I have never heard of. I love every song I download, for a little while.

I wish I had the taste in music of Gangsta. Anything with a beat, 'thug life' lyrics, and something you can annoy the hell out of your mother with. circa We Fly High - Jim Jones, possibly related to the infamous mother harraser Mike Jones.

Mom's taste consists of: Something you can listen to while vacuuming (yes, lets not forget having your headphones upsidedown, looking like some sort of alien maintaining a singing volume anyone could hear over the vacuum which she has no idea), songs she can claim are "about Jesus" - yes, my mom thinks Leona Lewis is now writing religious songs - and of couse songs that can be blasted through the kitchen allowing your's truly to do some sort of hideous dance to.

I am now getting into some sort of hippie phase when it comes to music. Indie and electronic music is so interesting to me. Embarrasing, I know, but I guess I am just tired of finding the same old band which everyone is trying to tell me "Have you heard these guys? They are this 'new' band I found" when I have had their album for over a year. I want a playlist noone else has, I can just listen to myself and share with those I love. again. selfish? yes. If this suprises you, you clearly don't know me well.

So, blog world (whomever you are) I reaching out and naming some of my current favorites:

Kids - MGMT - I wish everyone would stop trying to act as if they are unique and liking this song to be cultured and trendy. I found it before all of you freaks. (don't get me started on Slumdog Millionaire) In fact, there are some better tracks on their album if you give it an honest chance. This is just a good song to get you into the feel of the band. Take that, posers.

Bullets - Tunng - Yes, the beginning sounds like a haunted house, keep listening...it's worth it.

Is There a Ghost - Band of Horses - Just listen to it.

Inside Your Head - Eberg - If you give this song a chance it will be your new favorite. Don't you dare try to act like you were the one that discovered it. I will hunt you down.

Slide Show - T.I. feat John Legend - Cut me some slack, I don't care who you are...T.I. is an amazing artist as is John Legend.

Wow. So this is it. My first 'blog.' Don't expect this to be some amazing feat in my life, I'm really not as exciting or interesting as people hope I am. Just a boring bachelor with nothing else to do with my life, except work and go to a glorified high school that is...holla.